Terry's jokes
Five goat jokes
What do you call a goat at sea?—Billy Ocean.
What do you call an unemployed goat?—Billy Idol.
What do you call a goat's beard?—A goatee.
Doctor Doctor I feel like I'm a goat. How long have you felt like this. Since I was a kid.
Why is it hard to have a conversation with a goat? Because he keeps butting in.
The burglar and the parrot joke
A burgler breaks into a house and starts collecting all the valuables. Suddenly he hears a very soft voice behind him saying “Jesus is watching you. Jesus is watching you.”
Thinking he is just hearing things he continues collecting up all the valuables.
Again the soft voice says “Jesus is watching you.” The burgler turns round to see a parrot behind him. He asks the parrot if it was him talking. The parrot says yes.
The burgler then says to the parrot “What's your name?”
the Parrot answers “Moses.”
“What kind of people name their parrot Moses?” asks the burgler.
“The same kind of people who name their pit bull Jesus,” says the parrot.
The dead dog joke
A man runs into a vets with his limp dog in his arms asking to see a vet. The nurse ushers him into the examination room. The vet comes in and gives the dog an examination. He tells the man his dog is dead. The man is very upset and asks for a second opinion.
The vet goes out and returns with a cat. He puts the cat on the dog. The cat starts walking over the dog starting at its head, down its body, all the way to its tail. The cat turns to the vet and shakes its head.
The vet turns to the man and says, “I am very sorry but your dog is dead.”
The man is inconsolable and asks for another opinion.
The vet goes out and brings in a black labrador. He puts the labrador on the dead dog and it procedes to sniff the animal from head to tail. The labrador looks up at the Vet and shakes its head. Again the vet turns to the man and says, “I am very sorry but your dog is dead.”
The man is very sad and asks for his bill. They walk out into the reception area and he is handed the bill for a thousand pounds.
“What's this,” the man asks. “All this money just to tell me that my dog is dead?”
“Well,” said the Vet. “My initial examination would only have cost you ten pounds but you did ask for the CAT SCAN and the LAB TEST.”
